You ever walk into a room and hear your uncle yell “Look at this skinny balink!” like it’s both a compliment and an insult? Yeah. That’s the vibe.

This shirt is for every girl who grew up being force-fed sausage and peppers because “you look like you haven’t eaten since Lent.” It's the verbal carb-loading your Nonna used to give you before chasing you with a meatball. And now? You’re turning that generational trauma into a fashion statement. Therapy’s expensive—this shirt is not.

It’s semi-fitted to hug your curves (or lack thereof), lightweight so it doesn’t feel like punishment, and soft enough that even your most bitter cousin can’t say shit.

Features:

100% ring-spun cotton—so smooth it makes your aunt’s Chianti feel like box wine

Sport Grey blend available, in case you sweat through your sarcasm

Fabric weight: 4.5 oz, so it won't weigh you down like your family's expectations

Semi-fitted—snug but not slutty (unless you're going to Bar Anticipation, in which case…go off)

Side-seamed so it won’t stretch out like the truth at a Falco family barbecue

Taped neck and shoulders, unlike your uncle Tony who taped nothing and still did 18 months

Made in Honduras. Not Staten Island, but close enough.

This product is made especially for you as soon as you place an order, which is why it takes us a bit longer to deliver it to you. Making products on demand instead of in bulk helps reduce overproduction, so thank you for making thoughtful purchasing decisions!

Size guide